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      11-06-2019, 08:07 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Redd View Post
If I were to put on my armchair psychologist had and analyze this, success or failure isn't your true problem. The real issue here is that you lack self confidence.

Let's take a look at the facts:
1. You care how people think about you/see you
2. You constantly need affirmation from others on your success, are you doing well, could you do better, etc.
3. You're constantly comparing yourselves to others
4. And most importantly, you are never happy with what you have achieved. Your questions are only seeking for the answer that you haven't done enough, that you can do better. That's the answer you really want to hear.

Sorry bro, your root problem is self confidence. Once you address that, all the other questions/issues resolve themselves.

But coming back to your original question, yes in my eyes you have achieved success. Remember, success comes in many different forms. As long as you're happy, you have achieved success. If you're never satisfied, then you will never accept that you're successful.

In parting, I leave you with this Brazilian tale. I hope you find your happiness, in whatever form it takes.
----------

There was once a businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Brazilian village.
As he sat, he saw a Brazilian fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore having caught quite few big fish.
The businessman was impressed and asked the fisherman, "How long does it take you to catch so many fish?"
The fisherman replied, "Oh, just a short while."
"Then why don't you stay longer at sea and catch even more?" The businessman was astonished.
"This is enough to feed my whole family," the fisherman said.
The businessman then asked, "So, what do you do for the rest of the day?"
The fisherman replied, "Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fish, then go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I join my buddies in the village for a drink — we play guitar, sing and dance throughout the night."

The businessman offered a suggestion to the fisherman.
"I am a PhD in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you should spend more time at sea and try to catch as many fish as possible. When you have saved enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fish. Soon you will be able to afford to buy more boats, set up your own company, your own production plant for canned food and distribution network. By then, you will have moved out of this village and to Sao Paulo, where you can set up HQ to manage your other branches."

The fisherman continues, "And after that?"
The businessman laughs heartily, "After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, and you will be rich."
The fisherman asks, "And after that?"
The businessman says, "After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning, catch a few fish, then return home to play with kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!"
The fisherman was puzzled, "Isn't that what I am doing now?"
GREAT input. I agree 100%.

OP - Your description sounds a lot like me. However I'm 15 years further down this destructive path than you are. And in reading your post, you've been more successful than me. Done more things, made more money, have a bigger job. Oh wait, isn't that what dudes like us alway do? Compare ourselves to others and always find ways in which we come up short. Our answer is to always work harder, focus more, push just a little faster. I've managed to land myself a job where my boss realizes this about my personality and he takes advantage of it. So here I am, 45 years old, living every day with stress at a level 11, not sleeping well, irritated. I think I have an ulcer. My wife is upset because Im always checking my phone and not "present" with her in the evenings and on the weekends. When on vacation all I think about is work and take work related calls every day. I'm a F'ing wreck and it's not sustainable.

So take it from someone who is very much like you. You have destructive tendencies rooted in self-confidence issues. No matter how great you are, what you do, or what you achieve, it will never be enough to make you feel like "Ahhh, there it is, I finally achieved success." It will eat you up. You gotta get to the core of things and work through where that's coming from and how to let it go.
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