[Dang3r]

I have also a story to tell, nice idea anyway:

Back in 2001 I met this girl into a very young social community, was the very first of it, you were be able to style your avatar with hair, beard, all sorts of clothes, countless attributes and so on. Unfortunately they shutted it down at the end of 2003, just to complete this as entry.

My situation at this time was very tricky and sad at the same time, I was married to a wife, which brought me the first time to all clouds above number 9 and sooner as expected deeper as the hell could be, she was a hidden drinker and I'd determined that much too late to end this until it was good enough for both of us. To bounce to the end of the story with her: She'd attempted a suicide by jumping drunk and drugged from the 2nd floor balcony of her appartment down, was catched by a mighty bush but a broken piece of wood perforates her left lunge and so she sticked litererally onto the bush. The first responders had to cut the whole damn thing and had a lot of work to bring her final into the ambulance car and then on intensive care, were she was set into artificial coma to reconvalescend without the heaviest withdrawal appearances. I wasnt there at that moment and felt not really guilty for missed responsibilities for her safety plus we had separated appartments at that time, don't ask me at this point please, why marriage and different places of living and so on, would complicate this story much more as it is though.
After her jump I was at this point were I'd decided to break up and leave her. This was much too much for me and the last pieces of love and deeper feeling were washed away.

Now to the girl, we had firstly more or less short chats, no specific or explicits, just good talking and laughing. As my situtation wents more and more down I take heart and told her about my miserable and was more than surprised to hear from her, that her boyfriend was a total looser and leecher, spend her money and uses her car and home for nothing. She got longer time rid of him but had on same side much fear to be alone, because she had first advanced signs of multiple sclerosis and wont face this totally alone.
At a day, nearly exactly 18 years ago, we met in person into my city the very first time and I was totally stunned by her appearance, looking, talking live, you name it. I'd showed her around a bit my hometown and then we went to my home to have dinner, watch a film on TV and listen to the music, it was one of the moments, where time doesnt matter and flies by without you realize it. Followed by one of the nights into my lifetime we were deciding into that moment, that we would try to keep this up, just for deeper fun at first, lets see where it ends.

3 weeks later my future ex-wife was awake again and I wont waste any time and told first her doctor to split and also the reasons and later her. Wasnt easy and I got cursed from her for the next decades, my lawyer did the rest.

After that, the girl and I were intensifying our relation and it was kinda liberating to have a normal life without fear and anger - until her first heavy MS-attack during a weekend occurs, that was a shocking moment for me and I couldnt really deal with this. Just coming from a drinker with no good end and run instantly into the next hopeless situation, that was too close after another.
So I started to retract from her, lowering phone call intervals and texting but was more as affraid to tell her the truth, that the real reason was that I couldnt stand such a terrible loss, right after escaping one before her.
Around Christmas 2002 we brought that to an unglory end and heard from that nothing the next 13 years.

2015 my former wife died after continious using of alcohol and drugs and her life insurance informed me, that I had never been replaced into her police and got a very nice amount of money.
Right outta my mood I wrote a short mail the girl and told her what happened, that I wouldnt bother her with old stories, but tell her what has now come to a final end.
Few weeks no echoes and I hadnt really expect an answer, but someday she'd replied, was inbetween married, had 3 children and a good job, her MS had come to a stop and increases so shortly, that this wouldnt affect her normal life.
Since that we're exchanged few mails with very loose intervals, no pressure. Someday 2018 I'd given her my WhatsApp number and one night months later she'd used it to text me. The first more intensive chats were really embossed with anger, desperation and misunderstanding. As we got over this with washing uncleanable family dish after a period, we both calmed down and talk each other happenings since we broke up - and determined, that our never real finished end had left an unfillable hole at both of us. We were joking around what could happen, if we meet unplanned somewhere suddenly and at this point she went very serious and told me, that she couldnt ever meet me in person again, there are still much to much feelings for me even this very long time and she wouldnt risk her family life for this.

I'd understand this without complaining but a bit disappointment. Resuming my passed or actual relation and compare that to the time we had, she would be ever that girl for me...