Quote:
Originally Posted by UncleWede
My 80 yo dad was diagnosed with shingles 12/23. I went to see him last night because he can't find his keys, and I had a spare set. He was laying in bed, with a flannel and windbreaker on under the covers, and just a trickle of water (NOT tears) at the corner of his eyes. He told me his watch was dead, I said I'd take it to get the battery changed. It's an Eco-drive, so he just hasn't been moving enough to keep the watch running. As I was leaving, I brushed the jacket on his arm, and he winced in pain, but said it wasn't my touch. He was able to offer me knuckles as I went to walk away.
Confession: I don't want to take it back to him today, don't want to see him that vulnerable  |
I agree - go see him. I lost my father in 2018. He was only 78, but he was an old 78 and his family were not long livers. He'd has open heart surgery twice and been clean out a few other times and dropped dead once, but was luckily talking to a retired paramedic when he went down and 2 retired doctors were working out 2 rows bad with a defibrillator on the pole right next to them - AND he was across the street from the ER. Amazing luck. Anywhere else and I would have lost him in 2015. I tried to make those years after that count. Woke us up.
When he died (for good) he had just had a knee replacement and I had brought him home to heal up. He started having issues and it turned out he caught pneumonia while in the hospital. For a guy who already had COPD that is bad news. Back to the hospital, kept getting worse, could not keep oxygen in his blood all that - then they wanted to intubate him, which he had always told us he did not want. He was lucid enough he gave them permission (although later he said he did not remember it) and they stuck it in him. The day they intubated him was my birthday. Hardest thing I had ever had to watch. It was horrible. He woke up mad and confused and told my sister to leave the room and then proceeded to tell me to kill him (pull the plug). My sister and I took rotating shifts and stayed with him 24/7 for 6 weeks while he was in there. He got off the ventilator after 10 days, but that was the worst 10 days of my life. He could not talk and he could not eat and he was mad at the world and I felt like he was mad at us. He was on enough medicine that he could not even write well enough to communicate so it was mostly hand gestures and pointing. Horrible
I feel very lucky that even though he never recovered, he got off the ventilator enough to speak to us again and tell us he did not blame us at all and was glad they did it in the end. He really didn't remember much of it. He got to make the decision on when to turn everything off and we all got to say all we wanted to say and he gave us his final wishes and he went quickly after the machines were turned off.
I HATED it but not a day goes by that I am not glad I stayed with him all that time at the end no matter how tough it was to watch your superman go through that.
As stated - he needs you now. Dad thanked us many times to staying with him and putting up with his attitude and that having us there meant the world to him even when he was being a dick.
It's tough now, but you'll be glad you did later. I'd take more days with him even with that damn tube in his mouth right now just to able to speak to him.
I'm sorry brother - we all have to go through it, but it is a horrible time. Soak up what you can.