[Lups]

Originally Posted by rcracin

I respectfully disagree. Do you teach your kids to stick up for ppl who shit on them just because those people are now at a disadvantage? What does that say about your self respect and pride? Sure, kids dont get that. As an adult, i’m more upset that my parents were there for my terrible grandparents. The icing on the cake was caring for them in their old age through surgeries and then getting fucked in the inheritance like we always knew we would.

I practice what i preach. Treat me good and i’ll treat you good. Shit on me and i’ll live my life as if you don’t exist.

I see your point, but my self respect is fine. The kids are well aware of my feelings about my mother too, yet they know I'd do the same to anyone else too, I must.

I might not be trying to slither to heaven, but I truly believe not leaving a person behind. In the end, I'll be living with myself, reflecting on my worth as a human in a rocking chair. I want to be able to feel like I kept my promise to my dad and kept an eye on my mother.

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Lups I've not responded to this thread yet, but I have read it several times.

I think what you are doing about documenting everything is wise, and you should continue to do so. Including the wider family in what is happening will only help, as it shows you are being transparent. Don't be afraid to ask for help. If it is refused, then so be it. But how many have you helped? How many have asked you for help? Does it not stand to reason then that if you want others to ask for help (and you do not look down on them for doing so), that you too should not be afraid to ask for help? Frankly, by doing so, it also shows that you are being open to family and not trying to secret your mother away...it shows them what you are dealing with and they will be on your side if anything acrimonious happens later between your brother and you. Though I'm not sure that's what you are worried about...I suspect this goes back to the root of your care for your father and your decision there, which you were roundly criticized for. Unfairly as well, I might add. I don't think this is going to go the same way, but, if you think so, ask and keep asking your family to get involved, so they can't say anything if they don't...if you withdraw care at a later stage.

Family is awesome and they are tough. We have a rift in my extended family on both my Dad and Mom's side...sucks, but it is. I doubt it will heal. Much like you doubt your relationship with your Mom will heal. Do you think in her current state she is open to communicating again about some of the pain you've felt in the past as a kid? It honestly might be good for both of you. I think sometimes in the later stages of life, hard people change and they soften, and they talk more. I saw that with my papa (grandfather), he was a hard man, scrappy, had a miserable childhood in Scotland and it really affected who he was. But in his latter part of life, before he died, the changes were remarkable. And his willingness to talk and share was a good thing. But you'd have never got that out of him until he had his stroke and knew he was pretty much a goner.

Lean on people when you need them. And good for you for doing this!

I'm running a weirdo daycare here now for sure. I told the kids go and trash my storage yesterday just so I have something to do with my mom and also to see how well she could manage the project. It went down badly but if you ever see a full row of paired shoes in a 70m² storage with a disaster surround them, that's what I observed being done today.

I like the idea of talking about the hard shit, of course I do, but this isnt about me. She needs help and i need to accept the role of a stern teacher here. My feelings now don't matter and if she wants to talk about the past, I won't stop her but there is nothing to gain in bring it up. I doubt I can handle her vision of our history and her in my face this much and do remember, I've killed before.