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My girlfriend and I both lost our aging mothers about two years apart.
For my next statement to have any merit, let's get some context, I've overcome opiate addiction and rebuilt my house after a flood, and taking care of your parent at end of life is one of the toughest things you can do.
My girlfriend had it, not easy, but different, than myself, her mother was a lovely woman, who's heart was giving out. My mother was a very vile woman, who's presence wore me out like a plant worker at Chernobyl. I had to limit my exposure.
My brother pretty much wrote her off back in 2005 or so, and hadn't seen her since, so it was up to me. And my fucking god, the guilt was insurmountable. I felt that I needed to take care of her. They take care of us when we're young, we do so when we're adults, that's the deal right? Well, as it turns out no.
The issues between us got so bad, I ended up seeing a therapist, and actually cut my mother out of my life entirely. She passed away about six months later, and while it may sound insanely cruel it was what I had to do. Now, I didn't just abandon her to her fate, she was a woman of means, and afforded 24 hour sitters in her final days, all medical needs were met.
She passed away Jul 5th, 2017 at the age of 64.
To my brother and I, it was a relief, she had been living with chronic liver failure for 35 years (Even though she never took a drink, but smoked a pack a day) I have no regrets, no lingering sadness over how I handled the situation. I don't feel I was "punishing" her by being absent, I was doing what I had to do to survive.
My only wish is that things had been different.
It's tough, it really is, and it's an experience that will forever change you.
I'm not sure if there's anything helpful in there, but you have my condolences.
I wish you the very best of luck.
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