[1MOREMOD]

You get 2 pumps in and lose it.

[VB5ER]

It's just a finger so quit staring

[1smokehouse]

.

[ASBSECU E93]

Originally Posted by Stage1

..when you think you are walking into an empty bathroom at work cause the automatic lights are off and then you see feet under the stall (wtf who shits that long at work)

Ha Ha!!!! They were sleeping!!!

[ASBSECU E93]

That moment when....you get home and REALLY need to take a piss, and decide to go in the yard. The hot neighbor just happens to be in her yard and looks your way - but you don't stop

[Lups]

Originally Posted by VB5ER

It's just a finger so quit staring

I know a female who wanted to celebrate her love for knitting and her kids with a tattoo. The moment I saw it, puke came up and there I was sober trying to find anything I can say to fix it.

"I'm pregnant!!!! Sorry, I can't help myself!"

Next week I had a miscarriage, which was an other horrible lie but the tattoo was that bad and I have a tendency to be really sick in the presence of food while pregnant and it was all I had. It was like the worst five seconds and I still can not believe THAT was the lie I came up with.

[VB5ER]

You had me at "I know a female"/ That sounded like one long ass awkward moment

[alexng72]

when you put everything in place but forgot to plug in some cables or put on some screws...

[Axius]

When you're making sweet love to your girlfriend and her husband comes home early and you have to climb out the window with nothing but your knickers on.

[EALm4]

...when you realize it's thursday instead of friday.

[upstatedoc]

...when you ask a women "when are you due" and she says she isn't pregnant.

a co-worker did this several years back to another co-worker. I pretended I didn't hear a thing..

[EALm4]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

...when you ask a women "when are you due" and she says she isn't pregnant.

a co-worker did this several years back to another co-worker. I pretended I didn't hear a thing..

I've done it too. Not cool. Wasnt as subtle as above. It was "OH When'd you get prego???"

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by VB5ER

Uhhh, this

This!

One morning while in the shower i was thinking about the weight i'd been loosing. And then i thought it would be cool to have a time-lapse gif of me slimming down. So i hop out of the shower and decided to start that day by taking a picture of me in a full length mirror. Then again the next week and again and again..... after about 5 of them i thought to myself.... maybe it would have been better to take those pics with some underwear on..... Now no one gets to swipe on my phone and i don't swipe for them cause i don't even know where they are!

I know, TMI. Sorry.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by Biorin

My phone now corrects "totally" to "tits."

Your phone learns what you type and begins to auto correct to what it thinks you are normally talking about.

[Biorin]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

Your phone learns what you type and begins to auto correct to what it thinks you are normally talking about.

It also learns your contacts, such as one "fuck shit bitch tits ass" in mine.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by Biorin

It also learns your contacts, such as one "fuck shit bitch tits ass" in mine.

Is that Lups' contact name?

[UglyBuzzard]

Going to a yoga class to see the lovely ladies in their skin tights and realizing yoga is harder than football practice.

[EALm4]

you sit down in an airport stall to dump. then realize there's no tp once the first dookie comes out.

[EALm4]

that moment when you sent a dick pic to your girl on snap chat but accidentally added it to your story.

[UncleWede]

When you want to test the spouse's knowledge of current slang, then send "Netflix and Chill?" to the wrong person

[EALm4]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

When you want to test the spouse's knowledge of current slang, then send "Netflix and Chill?" to the wrong person

[Axius]

That awkward moment when you trust the wrong fart.